We’ve Got a Situation

Stoolie Sites

Well-known member
Jun 8, 2018
We’ve Got a Situation
And his name is Mike. Yes – Mr. Michael Sorrentino is engaged, adding to the ever growing number of A-list a list of celebrities that have found the confidence to ask their ladies that four word question (no, not “Wanna go to D’Jais”) as a direct result of reading this blog. First a royal prince (Harry), then a musical dwarf (Ed Sheeran) and now a Situation. Pretty much all the ingredients for a Brothers Grimm tale.

Examining the Situation more closely, however, there is more than just a tax-dodging recovering substance abuser. There is a lesson. If he can go from what he was to what what he is now, anything is possible. Even you, my super single reader (how did you end up here?), have a chance. But that got me thinking – are there other lessons can we take from Jersey Shore and apply to wedding planning? The answer is yes, but only if I really stretch for it. There really are not too many redeeming qualities or lessons from this show, but I love it and it was a slow wedding planning week so I really don’t have much else. Bear with me as we translate some of the the Situation’s most useful quotes.

“How do you get the best results? GTL, baby. Gym. Tan. Laundry. Because if everything’s put together, you feel great, you look great: awesome night.”

“If you don’t go to the gym, you don’t look good, if you don’t tan, you’re pale, and if you don’t do laundry, you ain’t got no clothes!”

Wow this works, kind of. As I’ve mentioned before, looking good on your wedding day is a must. Hit the gym, at least in the months before your wedding. I’m not saying you have to hit a tanning salon, but if you can get some sun before hand, that also always helps. It will be the most highly documented day of your life, and the last thing you want to do is look like a all soft and pale marshmallow person. And again, as I’ve mentioned before, always have that second shirt on hand day of just in case. You’re going to be interacting with a ton of people . If you have 200 people at your wedding and 99.5% of the people are careful and don’t spill anything on you, it means someone still will.

“I’ll be flipping pancakes while people are punching each other in the face.”

I can assure you that your wedding day will not be stress free. I’ve been to a few weddings in my day and I’ve seen people who are cool, calm and collected, and other people who are absolute nightmares. When things get crazy, don’t be the one punching people in the face. Just sit back, flip some pancakes, and IGLOO. Unlike old Mike though, this only works if you weren’t the one responsible for the problems. Be like new Mike. Speaking of…

“I want to propose to her”

An obvious one. He just said this in like Episode 3 of this season. It’s the most relevant but at the same time does nothing really for this blog. Like I guess, in order to propertly wedding plan, you need to come to this conclusion first. But honsestly it was nearly impossible just to find three semi-useful quotes from him that I could use for this. He’s a fantastic character and it’s 100% because he had no redeeming qualities other than being unabashedly obnoxious. But here are some other gems as a reward for making it this far.

“I gotta get my backwards hat.”

“You are the worst argument person ever.”

“Shut your mouth, you dirty little hamster.”

“It’s obvious that she has a crush on me… it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.”

“You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to someone who looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off?”

“It’s like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper, then somebody takes away the chicken and then you’re left with salt and pepper.”

“I put the hippopotamus to bed.”
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