Guest Political Column: O.J. Simpson Presents ‘OJ’s Gerry-Bantering’

Editor’s Note: Pretty big get here this week for The Keystone Statement. Many of you may find this hiring controversial considering O.J. Simpson’s checkered past in the Naked Gun films, but I figured this was an opportunity I had to take a stab at. After all, The Juice is football royalty and to not offer him a job here writing for us would seem counterproductive to the sports audience I want to reel in. 

Sadly, OJ had one stipulation: he wants to only write about politics. Nothing more. Nothing else. Now it has always been my policy on here to keep the matter of red vs. blue off of this blog as The Keystone Statement is a place of solace of any leaning, but OJ one-on-one can be very convincing. So finally I said “fair enough” – figuring if anybody could keep a level, calm head about matters as serious as our nation’s political ongoings, it’s going to be a Hall of Fame NFL running back who also happens to be a real people person. I tried to fight tooth and nail with him about the very title of his columns, but the ever persuasive Juice insisted on OJ’s Gerry-Bantering. So without further ado, please welcome Orenthal James Simpson with his thoughts on politics (I think this one is about ol’ Donny boy).

Hey everybody, OJ here. I’d like to thank Dominic for allowing me a podium to state my piece  and something that I am truly passionate about: my interest in politics. Now the political climate can sometimes be cloudy with a high chance of frustration, and in today’s wild world of Tweets and takes, I hope that I can cut through all the nonsense and get right to the heart of things.

Now, nobody is as polarizing of a figure than our current President, Donald J. Trump. People either love him or hate him and just like those very opposite sides of the isle, there is no shades of gray when it comes to Mr. President’s take on things.

Now, speaking of isles I was in the grocery store the other and did you know that they now sell apple sauce in little pouch packets that you can drink out of? I stocked up! Wow, what a crazy time we live in!

But all this apple sauce got me wondering about why all the hate? Hate, anger, paranoia never solved anything (tell that to Genghis Khan!), but working as a team to make our country and our world a better place is what should be paramount. And hey, if anybody knows about working as a team, take my 11 years in the NFL as evidence. Whether it was the blistery winters up in Buffalo or the steep inclines of San Francisco, I made a point to know the team aspect was valued from my perspective as I sliced through the holes that my offensive line created for me.

Now I could be angry as all get out about how Mr. President took a few extra putts when we once shared the golfing greens together and call him every “motherfucker” in the book, but instead, I chose to channel my anger and focus on the upcoming fantasy football season which should be quite the thrill as it’s right up there with politics as another passion of mine! (Second editor’s note: This article was written before Juice drafted his team yesterday evening) And I don’t mean to brag, but I fancy myself an expert in that field!

In closing, I’d like to thank you all for reading and remember, it’s all about the team. Juice signing off. Until next time!

– O.J.

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