I’ll be honest with you, the dedicated readers of Nosebleed Takes. I’ve been out of the blog game for awhile and I’m not sure if I still have my trademark slider. But after watching what feels like a million pitches on Shark Tank and watching a trailer for “Avengers of Justice: Farce Wars” an idea for a blog came to me that I knew I had to put on the interweb. So let me pitch to you my parody of the summer releases that is a lock to match, if not double the box office buzz of their fraternal twin.
Once Upon a Time in Bollywood (Parody of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood)
This Indian spin on the latest Tarantino flick would see a aging call center assistant manager quit his longtime job and take a journey to land of opportunity…BOLLYWOOD! With his script in hand Aarav hustle and bustles his way around the biz pitching his idea for a movie. SPOILERS Aarav finds out that his big idea and finished script was already a direct to DVD movie made in 1996. Expect to see this Best Picture contender in select theaters spring 2021.
The Lyin Bing (Parody of The Lion King)
Simple. Bing just purposely gives you the wrong results on any search you type in. But let’s be honest, if you use Bing in 2019 you deserve this to happen to you. Plan a family “Sunday Funday” to see animated movie in the winter 2021.
Soy Story 4 (Parody of Toy Story 4)
Soy Story 4 follows the never ending quest of Zane trying to convince his conservative rural family he’s not a total pussy for drinking soy milk with his breakfast. Expect this indie film to watch this on a hungover Saturday afternoon in Fall 2020.
Uber (Parody of Stuber)
This one switches genres from a lighthearted comedy to a dark horror film about a Uber driver who kidnaps unsuspecting students at the local college. We’d take the mid 2000’s direct to DVD horror route with this Redbox exclusive and just mix some softcore porn with a little gore. Expect to see this date night flick hit theaters Halloween weekend 2021.
Unabomber (Parody of Midsommar)
A Ted Kaczynski biopic. Origin stories and biopics of scumbags is soooo in right now with 2 of the “Power 3” killers being brought to the silver screen in Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy in the last 2 years. I’m predicting that Hollywood to make the pivot to famous terrorists in the next 3 years so I’d want to get ahead of the curb on this one. Expect to watch this on Amazon in 2022.
Bunnyland (Parody of Honeyland)
This one we’d sell to HBO or CineMax after a run on cable PPV (for the low price of $3.99). It’s just furries dressed as bunnies fucking each other for 90 minutes with a confused Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth providing confused commentary. Plan to watch this gem after you tuck the kids into bed.
And I’ve saved my most ambitious pitch for last.
Fast and Furious Presents “Knob & Paul” (Fast and Furious Presents “Hobbs & Shaw”)
A buddy cop flick where a post lobotomy Hobbs (now known as Knob) is trying to solve the case of who keeps stealing his pudding from the community fridge at the mental health facility he was committed to after living his life a little too hard one quarter mile at a time. Paul played by Jason Statham LITE (Luke Goss) is Knob’s imaginary friend which keeps the buddy cop aspect from the source material. Think Lethal Weapon meets One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.
If you’d like to invest any money for 15% of the box office please DM me on Twitter @AgentTylerScarn
I look forward to your inquiries and future investments!
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